The Story of Yankee Matt & Reggie the Raccoon (in Naija Pidgin)

Matt, one Yankee man with strong teeth wey be like corn cob, land for Lagos with plenty excitement for him eye and one kain funny smile. Instead of suitcase wey normal people dey carry, na one iron cage e hold for him hand. Inside the cage, dey one animal wey Matt like more than anything for dis world — Reggie, one fat raccoon wey anything wey get taste, e go chop am.

Matt, wey dey call himself “Oyinbo wey love animal,” believe say Reggie, with e nimble hand and belle like bottomless pit, go change how people dey sell food for Lagos. E see vision for dream wey these raccoon go dey sell hotdog and bole (roasted plantain) for cart with Reggie as the main attraction. As customs officers dey look this cage with suspicion, Matt just waka pass them with confidence, Reggie dey peek out small from inside.

The first night for Lagos na palava. Matt, wey no know anything about Naija food, e park this im cage for front of one popular amala joint. The sweet smell of that amala with ewedu soup, nobody fit resist am, and in one second flat, the cage door open. Reggie, wey be like one furry hurricane, come out like speed and scatter the whole amala joint. Plate of amala fly everywhere, people dey run helter-skelter, and the whole place choke with pepper wey come from the stew wey pour for ground. Matt, for the middle of this whole chaos, na only e fit talk for him mouth na “Sorry o, e no sabi speak any Nigerian language!”